What Is a Side? Your Empathetic Guide to Understanding This Inclusive Sexual Identity
Hey, can you explain what a side is in simple terms?
TLDR
• A side is a slang term in LGBTQ+ culture, particularly among gay and bisexual men, describing someone who enjoys non-penetrative sexual activities like kissing, oral sex, or mutual masturbation, without engaging in or prioritising anal sex.
• It emerged as an empowering label for those who don’t fit traditional “top,” “bottom,” or “versatile” roles, promoting self-acceptance and reducing pressure in spaces like gay saunas where diverse preferences are welcomed.
• Identifying as a side empowers you to communicate your boundaries clearly, fostering respectful connections focused on mutual pleasure and consent rather than expectations of penetration.
• If you’re exploring this, remember it’s valid and common—linking to our guide on From Eye Contact to Encounter: Gay Sauna Hookup Guide can help you navigate preferences confidently.
It’s Completely Normal to Ask What ‘Side’ Means
I completely understand if the term ‘side’ feels unfamiliar or makes you question where you fit in LGBTQ+ discussions, especially in intimate spaces like gay saunas where labels like top or bottom dominate conversations—many men feel overlooked or pressured when their preferences don’t align. You’re not alone; it’s a thoughtful question that shows you’re seeking clarity on your own terms. Rest assured, I’m here to explain it gently and reassuringly, so you feel validated and empowered in embracing what works for you.
Let’s Start With a Clear Definition
In LGBTQ+ terminology, a side refers to a gay or bisexual man who does not engage in or prioritise anal sex, instead preferring non-penetrative activities such as oral sex, mutual masturbation, kissing, or other forms of intimacy that focus on mutual pleasure without insertion . This identity challenges the traditional binary of top (penetrative) and bottom (receptive) roles, offering a label for those who feel excluded and emphasising that all forms of consensual sex are valid. Being a side is about self-acceptance and clear communication, allowing you to enjoy connections in gay saunas or other settings without conforming to expectations.
Where Did This Term Come From?
The term ‘side’ was popularised in 2013 by sex therapist Joe Kort to describe gay men who avoid anal sex, drawing from the idea of stepping “to the side” of the top-bottom-versatile spectrum amid growing discussions on inclusive queer identities. It gained traction through online forums and articles in the 2010s, addressing a gap for those feeling marginalised in hookup culture where penetration is often assumed. Today, it reflects evolving LGBTQ+ language, promoting body positivity and consent in communities like gay saunas, where diverse preferences are increasingly celebrated without judgment.
How You’ll See Side Used in Real Life
In gay saunas, a side might engage in mutual masturbation or oral play in steam rooms or private cabins, clearly signalling preferences to avoid penetration and focus on reciprocal enjoyment, which fosters trusting, low-pressure encounters. It’s practical for those exploring sexuality without committing to anal activities, such as discussing boundaries upfront during cruising to ensure mutual satisfaction. For more on communicating preferences respectfully, our guide on Consent and Boundaries in Darkrooms: What You Need to Know offers tips to navigate these scenarios confidently.
Hearing ‘Side’ in the Wild: Real Examples
“I’m a side, so I’m all about oral and hands-on fun in the sauna—let’s keep it mutual and skip the anal, cool?”
“As a first-timer identifying as a side, I was relieved when the guy respected my no-penetration vibe; we had an amazing session just exploring with touches and kisses.”
“We connect as sides in group play—focusing on watching and pleasuring each other without going further keeps it exciting and boundary-focused.”
Getting It Right: Side vs. Versatile
A side strictly avoids anal penetration, prioritising non-insertive activities like oral or manual stimulation for personal comfort in gay saunas, whereas versatile individuals are open to both topping and bottoming, offering flexibility in roles during encounters. While sides empower those who feel pressured by anal-centric norms, versatiles enjoy switching based on mood or partner, but both emphasise consent—linking to our guide on Tops, Bottoms & Vers: Navigating Roles in the Darkroom can help clarify how to express these preferences safely. Understanding this distinction reassures you that there’s no “right” way to engage sexually, allowing for authentic connections without labels defining your worth.
Frequently Asked Questions
What’s the simplest way to explain Side?
A side is a gay or bi man who prefers non-penetrative sex like oral or mutual masturbation, avoiding anal to focus on mutual pleasure and personal comfort in LGBTQ+ spaces .
Is Side the same as Versatile?
No, a side excludes anal entirely for non-insertive intimacy, while versatile includes switching between topping and bottoming—both are valid but cater to different comfort levels.
In what context would I use the term Side?
You’d use it in LGBTQ+ discussions, like on apps or in saunas, to communicate preferences by saying “I’m a side, into oral only,” ensuring respectful, aligned encounters.
What is the biggest misconception about Side?
The biggest misconception is that sides are uninterested in sex; actually, they enjoy diverse non-penetrative activities, promoting inclusivity without the pressure of anal norms .
Where can I see an example of Side in practice?
Explore personal stories on forums like Reddit or our Mutual Masturbation in Gay Saunas guide, showing how sides engage in fulfilling, non-penetrative play respectfully.